my life (as i see it)

For Elise

2011-04-22T18:26:00.000-07:00

I have been friends with a girl for years now... We used to be very close, and even though I only see her sporadically now, we still have a great time together. A few months ago I wrote a song about her, and 3 weeks ago I sang it to her...

We were sitting in her backyard and I had my guitar with me.
"Hey, do you want to hear a song I wrote?"
"Sure!"
"Okay; I don't know how to say this without it being awkward, but it's about you."
"Hmm... Okay."

I played the song for her, and I didn't screw it up too bad. After a moment of silence, she spoke up.

"So, that was really about me?"
"Yep..."
"That's cool. I liked it."

We talked about music for a few minutes, and I told her that I had been writing a string of songs about God and my relationship with Christ... And that I was ready for a break. I hadn't sat down with the intention of writing a "love song" before, so I decided to try that, not knowing where it would go... And it turned out to be about her. She was quiet for a few moments, then said "So you're telling me that when you're not writing songs about God, you're writing them about me?" I laughed and agreed with her. She then said "I like that."

And here is that song:

a weird story

2010-11-09T17:39:00.000-08:00

The other night I was telling a friend about a good breakup story I had... So here it is:
When I moved to Turlock I was still dating a girl back in Hanford. We had been dating for about 2 months when I left. Sometimes when I came back in town I stayed at her parent's house (where she was living) and slept in their guest bedroom. The weekend of our 4th month officially "dating", I was again staying at her place. Come Monday morning I had to drive back to Turlock for work and class. I woke up and packed my stuff in my car, then sat on the front porch reading. She came outside and asked if we could take a walk. It sounded like a good idea, so I readily agreed.
We began walking the residential neighborhoods around her place, fairly aimlessly. We chatted about inconsequential things until after a brief pause she dropped the "I think we should just be friends" bombshell (and yes, she even played the ever-delightful God card as well). Now, as most of my family, friends and acquaintances know, I am not much of a crier. Unfortunately, this caught me by such surprise (and, I definitely cared for her a lot at the time) that I began crying. We kept walking, and I kept crying. As we continued, suddenly we saw one of our mutual friends come out of her house across the street to get the newspaper. She called out to us, saying hello. My ex crossed the street to talk to her, leaving me crying on the sidewalk by myself. I felt entirely pathetic and uncomfortable, and it was a miserable walk back to her place after she was done chatting.
All of this led to a rather awful morning, and I was quite understandably ready to hit the road and head somewhere else (even if it was Turlock). I left her at the stairs to her above-garage apartment behind the house, and got in my car. I turned the key, and... Nothing. My freaking car was dead. I called Ronnie hoping for help, but he was about 15 minutes away and had class soon. I had to gather myself, walk back behind the house, and face one of the strangest looks and most uncomfortable situations I have ever experienced from the opposite sex. She helped me jump my car and I was able to get underway after another extremely awkward goodbye.
This story is a lot more amusing in hindsight.

i could use some answers

2010-11-08T19:46:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted anything in awhile. This is mostly due to the fact that I am not quite sure what to say. I am at a stalemate in my life; waiting to see if EJ finds work up here, waiting to see if Midtown Friends will make it. My life basically hinges on those two things at the moment, and I am not sure how that makes me feel. I am not happy, that much is for sure. I constantly feel like I am not living up to my potential, and I feel like I am stuck. This is depressing, I am going to stop putting my feelings into words now.

work is boring

2010-08-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

3 albums i am in love with right now:
1) avett brothers - emotionalism
2) mumford & sons - sigh no more
3) saosin - translating the name

3 things i am reading right now:
1) golden buddha - clive cussler
2) the voice (new testament)
3) the people called quakers - d. elton trueblood

3 important events in my life coming up soon:
1) my parents coming into town labor day weekend (this weekend!)
2) my birthday
3) parker side of the family for thanksgiving

3 things i want right now:
1) to be done with work so i can go jog
2) a new job
3) my new glasses

3 things i could do without right now:
1) debt
2) uncertainty
3) fat

ccm

2010-08-25T18:48:00.000-07:00

There is something about Contemporary Christian Music (ccm) that has just never sat quite right with me. I don't know that it's even something that I can properly put into words... But it bothers me. I am painting a broad generalization here, as of course there are notable exceptions (a lot of Crowder's stuff, some Tomlin, etcetera). I guess it just doesn't feel... "real" to me. The songs that actually mean something to me are the ones that talk about how life is not easy, but God is there. The songs I can relate to sing about how there is a God out there who loves even a crappy, messed up person like me. I understand that sometimes we just need to praise God and thank Him... But most of my life is spent in the day-to-day mundane, and the garbage that comes along with it. I know some of this cynicism is due to my apparent inability to live with joy, but that's really not who I am. I had a long dissection and diatribe of and about ccm written, but I am going to delete that and just say... I am happy and thankful for honest, real music. Thank God.

my ep

2010-08-21T16:47:00.001-07:00

I released my new EP! You can download it (for free) here: http://www.mediafire.com/?vcjnxq3v51btl1w or if you want a hard copy, message me your address. Let me know what you think!

words of my father

2010-08-21T16:39:00.001-07:00

these are from a list that my dad gave me years ago. i kept it, and formatted it nicely and gave it to him for father's day two years ago. i still read it now and again, just to keep my head on straight.

Lord

Ups and downs in intensity
Keep worshipping
Be the spiritual head
Pray daily
Always tithe
Know where you stand, don’t buckle… But listen

Love

Do not be unequally yoked
Treat her like an angel
Virginity is the highest gift in marriage
Stay away from situations(before and after marriage)
The little things mean a lot
One time, one woman, no wandering
Love, cuddle, & touch without always expecting sex in return
No barbies

Labor

Like your job because it will affect home and you
Don’t quit when things get difficult… Give it reasonable time
If you need to ask for a raise or increased compensation or promotion, evaluate how you have performed, honestly. If you are satisfied with performance it may be time to move on
Be wise in your choices of changing jobs, promotions, and moves with a company
Loyalty
Integrity
Don’t make $ the #1 object. The higher the income the more stress and less stability

Leisure

Time to relax, not necessarily that which you do for fun
Make it a time you can think/reflect; a brain relax time.
It can be taxing physically
Don’t let it overtake time from real chores or duties

Life

Ebbs and flows of life – enjoy it, each day is valuable
Remember, no matter what happens to you in normal life, “they” can’t kill you.
Do what is best for wife and children, put self aside

recording = done

2010-08-09T22:52:00.000-07:00

i spent friday and saturday of last weekend recording with matt davis (who recorded the cgcc band ep) in turlock at denair friends church... i recorded 4 originals, and my own arrangement of how great Thou art. it was exhausting, but it was such a good experience. we spent a total of about 16 hours during those 2 days recording, or setting up/tearing down/working out instrument and vocal parts.
all of my songs turned out better than i thought they would; it's hard because in my head i heard other musical pieces, but actually putting them together became more difficult. i am currently listening to the (unmixed) ep, so that i can go over some mixing details with matt. i am pretty excited to share it with other people, and i hope they can hear the passion i put into it. let me know if you want a copy (digital or physical or both)!

just another song...

2010-07-13T20:06:00.000-07:00

The words to the first verse and chorus came to me right when I woke up this morning, and as I was in the shower... Then I finished up the second verse at work.

"I’ve got things roaming my head that I can’t defeat
There’s sickness all around me and the world’s unclean
I’m no better, I’ve got the same disease
Selfishness and greed wrapped in apathy
But I can sense a freedom somewhere near

Lord break these chains ‘cause they’re not of You
They just drag me down and conceal the truth
I want something more that is real
I don’t need this world, I don’t need this grief
I just need You, I need Your arms around me.

There are things I should do and words I should speak
But I feel so useless, Lord I feel so damn weak
What can I possibly do to compete
With a world that’s full of such agony
I need Your strength to set me free"

EDIT: the video

i suck at praying.

2010-07-06T14:01:00.000-07:00

I have never felt like I have a very good prayer life. I do it, but not consistently. When someone asks for prayer for something, I tend to hesitate before agreeing; not because I don't want to pray for them, but out of the concern that I will forget or push it aside or something... I don't want to commit to something important like that, and then not even do it. Sooo that's something I am still dealing with.
Anyways, something that I have found myself doing recently is limiting my prayers. Today I was praying in the shower for a couple of things (yeah, I pray in the shower; I have found it's a place I am not distracted by media, electronics, etcetera for a brief period of time). One of the prayer items was a friend's relationship with their father, which has had a ton of struggles in the last couple of years. Another prayer was for a friend who has an opportunity to go on a missions trip to Ethiopia, but only if a seat opens up on the return flight that is currently fully booked.
I began to pray, and started to pray for both of these things... But as I did, I realized that I was praying very specifically, and not very hopefully. I was praying for the first friend that they would be able to interact well with their dad, and that they would possibly be able to see each other and have a positive experience. The other prayer was for my friend to find a seat on the currently full flight. Both solid, acceptable prayers, right?
But why should I stop there? If I really believe that God can do ANYTHING, then why am I asking Him for relatively "small" things? And so, I approached the prayer a little differently after this realization. I prayed for my friend not to just have a good interaction with their dad, but to actually have reconciliation, and for healing for the dad's relationship with the rest of the family. For my other friend, I prayed that not only were they able to go on the trip, but that it would be a life-changing experience for them, and that they would cause great things to happen in God's name while they were there.
I mean, if you're going to pray... Why not pray extravagantly?

journaling during church...

2010-06-24T12:19:00.000-07:00

I destroyed a girl and myself.
It wasn't love. Turns out it wasn't even close.
At the time there was little wrong (or so I thought).
My head and heart were twisted around and I didn't even know.

Eventually it crumbled...tumbled...
and died.

I was broken, and no one knew.
I only cried alone, where no one could see me or hear me.
One night I woke up...and began weeping.
I called a friend, and let my walls down in front of someone,
if but for a moment.

And from there, I began my walk anew.
My relationship with Christ is a walk uphill.
It's so easy to turn and go down...
But that view from the top, and the glimpses along the way...
That's what makes it worth it.

another song

2010-03-16T15:54:00.000-07:00

I wrote another song last week. I was driving to work and kept having words running through my head, so I started scribbling them down at stoplights. This led to the first verse and the chorus... Then the next day I sat down with my guitar and the rest came out.

"Sometimes I'm scared to sing to You, Creator of everything
What if I'm distracted, what if my heart's not all there?
What if the words and notes, they come out wrong?
But still I will lift my voice because You gave me this song

I'll sing the hosannas and I'll sing hallelujahs
I'll tell of Your glory and how You saved us
Most importantly to me, I'll just tell You I love You
And how all I want to do is just sit at Your feet

I write down words that can never encompass my love
But I know it's important to You that I even try
I know You're out there because I've seen You before
You've touched my heart and left me wanting more

And this is all I know how to do,
To sing and hope it's enough
That what I'm putting into this will show You my love"

the frailty of my life Lord just cries out for more of You

2010-03-01T20:13:00.000-08:00

I recently found a Word file that contained things I had written while attending the Worship Conference at Bethel Church a few years ago. It was really interesting to look back at where my heart was during that time. I still have my notebook/journal from that time as well, and I think I may pull it out and check that as well. It was mostly poetry/lyrics, and that sort of thing. I don't think I ever actually ended up using any of it, but it's been refreshing to read words that were written during a very important and transforming time in my life. Some of it feels a bit cliche and whatnot, but I know it was written in sincerity... So it's okay to me.

many call Your works by other names
but they can never know what it is like to be truly awestruck
until they let You hold them
and You long to do just that
give me the strength and power to break down walls
to love others with Your love
especially those who do not seek You
help me to be a vessel
imperfect, and yet perfect enough to show Your grace and mercy

Take my weakness, strip it away
Take my darkest place, take it and shine Your light into it, O’ God
Take my faults and turn them into Your strengths, O’ God

Do not let me stray – I am weak and I need Your love to set me
Apart from all that I have known before
O’ Lord, O’ God, this fire – let it burn ever brighter
Brighter than before
Until all can see the flame in my heart that reaches out for You
Devouring others in its wake
Setting them aflame for You,
And only You
For eternity
For You

Sixty-three

2010-02-09T10:05:00.000-08:00

I recorded a song I wrote, using scripture from Psalm 63. The words and video are below. Hope you enjoy!

I seek You in a land full of the lost
I pray for brokenness,
So that I may love as You do
To act in Your name,
No matter the cost

And I will praise You as long as I live
And in Your name I will lift up my hands
Because I’ve seen Your love
I’ve seen Your power,
I’ve seen Your glory and might
And all these things are better than life

I thirst for You in a land that is dry
Lord, satisfy my soul
And my lips shall ever praise You
Just keep me safe in the shadow of Your wings

2010-01-14T16:09:00.000-08:00

I am headed to Big Basin Redwoods State Park near Santa Cruz tomorrow, to camp with EJ and Emma. It has been years since I have camped, and I am excited! The next day we will be met by other people to hike the Berry Creek Falls trail. I have been on that trail in the summer and fall, and now I will be headed there during the winter... Still haven't made it there in spring, when it is the most beautiful. Someday!
I have had car issues with my new vehicle almost since I have bought it. I am supposed to pick it up tomorrow morning, and I am praying that it is fixed. I have been so absolutely stressed about it, and it has been depressing the heck out of me. Last night I was in an absolutely awful mood, and spent some time just playing music to try to snap out of it; it helped some.
I have been loving this song called "For Joy" by Aaron Strumpel. It is taken near-verbatim from Psalm 67, and it is a lot of fun to play. On January 24th I am going to make a guest appearance at cgcc, to jam with my boys again; I am stoked!

It has been far too long...

2009-12-30T17:18:00.000-08:00

It is now nearly the end of 2009. I recently sent out my Christmas letter to family and a few friends. Here it is, in its entirety:

2009 has been a busy year for me! I began the year still working at FedEx Office in Turlock, and leading worship for the CGCC college group and Sunday mornings at Denair Friends Church. In January the worship band I led played at a Jr. High/High School retreat in the mountains. It was a great time to become closer as friends, and we had a wonderful time with the Lord there also. We ended up recording a few songs after we came back, which was a lot of fun. We also got a chance to play a few more times outside of our normal college group gig, and we always had a great time.
I was fortunate enough to get out on a few hikes this year including Half Dome and the Hetch Hetchy area in Yosemite, and Mt. Tallac (overlooking Tahoe). I also got a bit of time outdoors at the annual Donner Lake family reunion, though most of that was spent on the golf course... Not that I am complaining. I was lucky enough to be a part of two weddings of close friends this summer, and both of those experiences were wonderful.
In July I began transitioning out of my role in the band and college group, with the intention of being completely finished within 2 months. In August I traveled to Cambodia for two weeks. It was by far the best experience of my life. I made new friends on the trip, and experienced amazing things. It definitely changed me in good ways, and I would love to go back someday. I made an effort on that trip to not say no to anything... I was able to experience more and do things that made me a bit uncomfortable (in a good way).
Shortly after I came back I was offered a position at a Friends church plant in downtown Sacramento and I decided to say yes to that. Inside of two months I moved in with Kristin and Andrew in Elk Grove, transferred to a position at a FedEx Office near their home, and began working with the church plant downtown. It has been a crazy time of transition. It was very hard to leave people and situations in Turlock, but I feel like I am doing what I am supposed to. I was able to spend Thanksgiving with wonderful friends in Turlock, and my cousin John was even able to join me. My mom and dad will be joining us here this Christmas, and I am very excited! I am sure things will continue to change in the new year, and I am eager to see what God has in store. I hope your Christmas is amazing, and that your new year is full of wonderful times with good people and the Lord.

Anyways, that's how my year went. Hopefully this year I will be more consistent about my blogging. Peace!

so long sweet summer

2009-09-16T09:09:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays
So long sweet summer
I fell into you
Now you're gracefully falling away

So it's the end of summer. I haven't blogged since the beginning of summer... It was a busy and amazing time! Some highlights:

* Being in the weddings of close friends; Jeremy and Shandra's wedding, and Matt's wedding. I had a great time with the rest of the wedding parties and with the couples. Also, d.j.ing Mike's wedding was great too!
* Two weeks in Cambodia; absolutely a wonderful experience! So much to process... Easily the best thing I have ever done in my life.
* Hiking; Half Dome and Hetch Hetchy on back-to-back weekends, Mt. Tallac for my birthday. Swimming in the mountains was amazingly cold and fun.
* Seeing my parents and Grandma at Donner Lake... Meant a lot more this year with all that's been going on with my parents.

I have two Sundays left at c.g.c.c.... Change is afoot! I almost broke down while playing Sunday night; it's going to be tough not to have that outlet anymore. I got a job offer at Midtown Friends... And I want to do it. I am currently looking for another job in that area, so I can support myself. And that's about it! Go team.

i feel old

2009-05-25T13:03:00.000-07:00

Friday: 2.5 hours of basketball.
Saturday: 1.5 hours at the driving range, 3.5 hours of swimming, .75 hours of basketball.

I am sore. I am also a quarter-century old. Goshdangit!
I watched Star Trek last night; it was entertaining, but I still miss the ST:TNG cast and crew.

Tonight should be pretty kick-back. I am working a short shift (but at holiday pay rate!) and then we are bbq'ing chicken and corn on the cob... I need to finish The Shining (the old/good version!) tonight too.

People have had pretty positive reactions to the EP, which has been awesome. We are looking into recording another one. Potential songs include Louder Than The Mob, Already There, It Is Well With My Soul, In The Secret, Famous One, and maybe others...? Any suggestions?

thank you Jesus

2009-05-12T00:22:00.000-07:00

Our EP is done! I am happy with it, and I am excited to share it with people. Here's hoping it means something to other people as much as it does to me.

myspace.com/cgccband

Spread the Word!

take up your cross

2009-05-10T15:08:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I can actually put this into words... But basically I didn't until recently really grasp the passage found in Matthew 16 and Luke 9, about Jesus telling us that "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me". For some reason I never equated that cross that He tells us to take up with the cross that He carried on His own back and died on. I always thought of our crosses as an abstract idea, and not something monumental. But in reality... Jesus is asking us to basically pick up the same cross that He did; a cross that leads to pain and death. Granted, for most of us it will NEVER even compare to the pain and suffering that He went through, but it is the same idea. When we choose the Father, we choose the possibility of immense suffering... But we also choose the guarantee that after that, we have Life.

That probably doesn't make sense, because even in my head it's still a bit convoluted. One thing I am certain of; tonight's set is righteous, and should be a lot of fun!

Everything That Has Breath
I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever
Holy Is The Lord
Pour Out My Heart
Arms Of Love
It Is Well With My Soul

So a pretty old-school set, but with some new twists. Funky "It Is Well" here we come! Oh, and then we talk about male sexuality. Go team?

you don't know me

2009-05-09T10:53:00.000-07:00

so i adore ben folds (he is in my top 5 of all-time favorite artists) and i think regina spektor is one of the best singer-songwriters currently making music... and the song they did together, "you don't know me" is awesome. anyways, i finally watched the video for it, and it is funny crap. youtube that badboy right here.

today i have band practice for a couple hours, then i am going to my uncle's church with the oakdale fam. i am excited! he is sharing a sermon that he has been working on for quite awhile; how God's message of love has been spread through secular music in the last few decades. it should be interesting!

now i am off to do the stanky leg. word.

two songs

2009-05-05T23:07:00.000-07:00

There are two songs I have been listening to on repeat the last two days - "Save Yourself" by Sensefield, and "Samson" by Regina Spektor. Both have interesting things to say about love and sex. I highly recommend listening to both of them, if you have not before.

It's fascinating to me how Tim (pastor at Denair Friends Church, where I play Sunday mornings) and Jeremiah (college pastor at cgcc/Crossroads Church where I play Sunday nights) end up speaking on issues that complement each other. The last few weeks, Jeremiah has been talking about establishing an identity in Christ that is truly your own; tearing down the identity that has been constructed through parents and other influences, and determining your own personal faith and belief. That was a good series, and then Tim has followed it up the last two weeks with a series on becoming a true disciple of Christ. It has been a good one-two punch! You all should be jealous. I get to listen to two very transparent and real guys share the Word nearly every weekend.

Anyways, check out the cgcc band on myspace for EP updates; the music should be up within a week, with streaming and a link to actually download everything. In the meantime, be sad that Derrick is going to Canada. According to E.O., you shouldn't visit your girlfriend on Mother's Day unless you already have a child with her. Thank you for your ever-illuminating wisdom, Eric.

current music things

2009-05-05T00:12:00.000-07:00

So tonight I received our second mix of our EP... So far, it's good. Very good. I am excited to share it with people!! When I listen to it, I actually feel like a guitarist.
As a band (and more specifically, Andrew and I), we have set our sights on taking older songs and songs that we have become tired of playing, and giving them new life. This makes it not only fun for us to play, but it is great to have songs that people are already accustomed to singing and connecting with. Some of the songs that we have already reworked include Open The Eyes of My Heart, Famous One, In the Secret, Pour Out My Heart, and It Is Well With My Soul. Not all of them have extreme changes (though some do), but now we get to rock out some more! We are currently working on All Who Are Thirsty, Shout To The Lord, and I Could Sing of Your Love Forever.
Sunday nights set was pretty great... In The Secret, Light the Fire Again, Already There, Hungry, and Overwhelmed. I ended up not even singing more than half the time... I just rocked out in the back; especially during Overwhelmed. Holy crap that song hits my heart every time we play it!
What song does that to you?

things i want to do

2009-04-13T13:28:00.000-07:00

things i want to do soon:
go hiking.
see my parents and kristin/andrew.
visit ej in slo.
spend some quality time with drew.
participate in bay to breakers.

things i want to do sometime this year:
go down south and see matt, mikkele, and kristen.
record more music.
find a new job.

things i want to do someday:
pay off my debt.
work at a job i truly enjoy.
fall in love.
live somewhere else.

a mirror is so much harder to hold

2009-04-04T15:37:00.000-07:00

i really respect the group of musicians i am playing with right now at cgcc. last sunday we practiced before church, and it was intense. there were 8 of us playing (out of the normal 9) and of those 8, 5 had recently returned from an emotionally and physically draining retreat. however, when we began to practice, none of that mattered. there was only 1-4 other people in the room, but all of us played our butts off. we ended with "How Great Is Our God" and it was soooo good... i don't even remember how it sounded, but i know that we allowed God to do his thing, and it was spectacular. we ended that song a cappella, and it absolutely killed me. with a practice like that, we were quite ready to let God do His work during the actual church service too, and He did. the music was good, and Jeremiah's talk was intense. so go team!

a plain morning

2009-03-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

it really frustrates me when i have friends or family that are going through tough times, or are even just having a bad day. i hate that i am too far away to do anything, and that i am limited to being a voice on the end of a phone call or even just a text. i promise, despite my insistence that i am cold and heartless, i do care.

bullet points

2009-03-09T09:57:00.000-07:00

- EJ's dad had a scan a couple weeks ago, and he is cancer-free!!!
- tomorrow we record cello, and maybe start on some vocals. that's all we have left to record!
- i went to a conference last friday with jeremiah, steve, and tim. it was good times, and i got quite a bit out of it.
- i hate when girls wear purity rings. it confuses me, because i can't tell if they are married or not, then i just give up.
- chocolate chip muffins are awesome.
- i am excited to see matt and mikkele again, at least in july if not sooner.
- someone trashed the friend's church saturday night/sunday morning. those people suck.
- i hate human pride and selfishness, especially in a church setting!
- it's almost time to hike.

a reflection on our winter retreat gig

2009-01-21T23:44:00.001-08:00

So I have had a couple days to digest last weekend's gig at Camp Chinquapin. Some things I have determined or want to remember:
1) The right people were there. Our 2.5 hour jam on Sunday night would have been tough with more or different people there.
2) My band is not full of actors. We don't really act much different in church, the bar, or just at home. Maybe that's bad in some ways, but I think the honesty is key.
3) It has been a long time since I have cried, and even longer since something spiritual made me cry.
4) This band can do powerful things, if we can keep it together and get the opportunities.
5) This weekend reinforced my antisocial image.
6) I swear I felt a string break during Sunday night's set, but it never did... Thank you Jesus!
7) I called my mom on Monday night to tell her about all that happened, and I started crying again.
8) The Sunday night set/cigar break was one of the best nights I have ever had in my life. Ever.
9) Card games are enough to keep me occupied for hours if I am playing with the right people.
10) It doesn't matter what song you are playing as long as it is in the right spirit.
11) Getting my feet washed by people who are basically strangers is intense... and so humbling.
12) Seeing people dance and mosh to music you are playing is one of the coolest dang things ever.
13) I will never be able to put into words all the emotions and memories I got out of this last weekend.

sometimes i am a man?

2009-01-13T17:10:00.000-08:00

i just got done replacing my radiator hose... i did it about 6 months ago also. hopefully this time it works! i always feel a bit more masculine after i do any sort of work on my car. unfortunately, i don't know how to do much. i feel like i am a bit of a failure as a man because i am rather vehicle-inept. that and i am not very financially stable. so i guess besides that i feel alright about myself... but those two things are apparently keeping the love of my life away. for shame!

what my blog is saying

2009-01-10T11:03:00.000-08:00

this is what my blog has been saying lately:

impromptu high school reunion

2009-01-10T10:57:00.000-08:00

last night was john borba's birthday show in sacramento. it was weird. here's a list of some of the people from my past that i saw at the show: anthony, ian, crazy joe, tommy, sarah fry, brittni barger, candice teague, darren gelsi, matt borba, and more. i took meshe, michelle, and derrick with me so it was kind of weird to have my turlock-life and hanford-life intermingled.
at one point i just got weirded out and hung with my cgcc people in the actual venue room because i just couldn't socialize anymore for a bit. being there with those people definitely brought back a lot of memories though. i miss playing actual shows so much... going crazy and playing original music was such an emotional release, i miss that intensity. i am beginning to find a place in my worship music where i have that same experience, and it is wonderful.
i wonder if everyone has something like that, that they have such a passion for. i don't hear about it from a lot of people; is it there, and just untapped, or do some people just not have a passion like that...?

swm iso nothing

2009-01-07T10:55:00.000-08:00

Last night I hung out with the DeWitt's and J.Wiley. We had a blast at dinner, then us boys went out to a hick bar in Atwater. I had a couple weird moments, one when I realized I was sitting at a table with one friend who is divorced and has a kid, the other who is married and pulls in about twice as much income as I do... And I realized I am getting old. That and hanging out with a married couple can make a single person feel darn lonely!

Then I realized I love being single and not having to deal with the responsibilities of a relationship. I would have to give up stuff in order to spend time with a significant other, and that would most likely mean cutting back on the time I spend playing music... Screw that!

So basically being single is a stupid double-edged sword.

Go team!

just an update i guess

2009-01-06T10:53:00.000-08:00

Christmas was spent in Idaho, and I love my parents. New Year's Eve was busy... A bbq at Tommy and Leah's with Wiley and Jayden, Jeremy and Shandra... Then band practice for an hour and a half, then to Speakeasy for a bit, then to Meshe's.
The opening to "Is There A Ghost" by Band of Horses is one of my favorite beginnings to any song ever.
I still work at Kinko's... That sucks, but I have been fortunate to have a job that is willing to work around my busy church/music schedule. Last Sunday night we had a group of 150 to play to, and it rocked. It was a great set (Open the Eyes of My Heart, Not To Us, Always Good, We Are Hungry, Overwhelmed, Let My Words Be Few) and we rocked it pretty hard. I think a lot of the people were not used to people actually going crazy while playing in church, but we had a great time. We have been blessed to have opportunities to play elsewhere now, and we are all excited to see what happens. Wednesday night we played for the high school group we are going to the retreat with, and it was by far the most intense 4-song set I have ever played. We went bowling afterwards and I was too drained to do much. Work at DFC is still... it's still there. There are great moments, and some really frustrating ones.
I am still trying to figure out when/where to go back to school... I am pretty sure I will go back for my bachelor's in social justice before I get my masters, but it's tough to get the money together because I suck at being financially responsible. I have contemplated moving to Sacramento or Boise, but I am not sure.
nazi-Matt came up here right before Thanksgiving, and Ronnie came up a couple days ago; it was great to see both of them!!
Bowling is fun, even when you suck at it.
Have fun with life!

last weekend

2008-12-15T13:53:00.000-08:00

Friday night I went to a gingerbread house making party at the old house. It's weird going there and having different people live there. I love those guys; it's just weird having it not be my place anymore even though it's been like 8 months since I've lived there. So that was good times, as was the after-party at my place (except for the broken bed that resulted). Saturday I went to a Friends Church district pastor's lunch in Williams, CA. I traveled with Tim and Pat, and met up with quite a few people there. It was great to meet up with some of the pastors I had met previously, as well as catching up with Ven and others from the co-op.
I came back into town, did powerpoint for Sunday morning, and went to the DFC Christmas dinner. Jenny and I had a good time laughing, then I headed out to a work party.
Sunday = church. Always. Plus Jayden's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese (he's 4 as of today!!!). Anyways, nothing exciting really... But whatever.
Come mid-January, the "band" has a retreat to play at Camp Chinquapin from Friday-Monday. It's a cool opportunity; the coolest thing is that we were practicing the Sunday after Thanksgiving for a few hours and while cleaning up Andrew, Eric and I were talking about how we would love the opportunity to play somewhere else, or for different people, or just something different for a change. The next day Andrew got a call from the associate pastor at Denair Naz, asking us if we could play their winter retreat. Apparently God wants us there! So that was an awesome spirit-thing, and we are all getting pretty pumped already; we have three weeks off before the next time we play, so we should be able to have at least a few practices in the meantime. God continues to amaze me with the doors he opens for me to continue to spread my love of music. I never planned on still playing for church at this point, and I sure as crap never anticipated being in charge. He pushes me in ways I never even imagined, and I am all the better for it.

an update?

2008-11-24T19:00:00.000-08:00

It's been over 7 months since I last wrote on here. I guess I haven't felt like anything important enough has happened for me to put down into words. Oh well, here's a summary of my last few months:

1) Work is still crappy, but I am very happy that they afford me the opportunity to indulge in all my church/outreach/youth/music times.
2) Sunday mornings are still a bit of a challenge sometimes, as I feel I am at my best when I am leading a full band. It has definitely helped me expand my song base and expectations, and I have grown to love being a part of the things going on in the church. Sunday nights have been going outstandingly well. I can honestly say that I have never had this much fun playing music for church before. Heck, we even rocked an amazing version of "Open The Eyes Of My Heart" last night, which had heretofore been one of those songs that I kind of don't look forward to playing. Many nights I finish playing and my hands are shaking because it was just so... powerful. Thank you God!
3) I had an amazing summer of hiking. EJ and I had a few hikes together, and it was great. I was pretty sad to have him leave to go back to SLO after summer. I was able to do Half Dome at night, Hetch Hetchy, and Berry Creek Falls.
4) I saw my parents in October, I will see them again in a couple days, and I am flying to Idaho for Christmas. That's a wonderful thing! I miss them like crazy.
5) This last weekend I was in Mr. Drew and Stephanie's wedding, and it was an honor to be a part of it. They are not only cool individuals, but easily one of the most fun couples to be around. I had a great time with the rest of the wedding party, and all my friends that were there for the wedding and reception.

So those are the big things I guess. I still feel like I am in limbo for the most part, though I am thankful that I am not going through any hardships. Music has definitely been my saving grace, as well as spending time outdoors. Aaaaand I am out!

sometimes i get busy

2008-04-14T00:57:00.000-07:00

i was updating this fairly well... then i got busy. sometimes i wish i had more free time just for myself! oh well, at least i am doing things i enjoy. this weekend was great; getting to see ronnie and jon, and some of the hanford/kingsburg folks. ronnie bought an amazing new guitar from this so-cal company called brazen guitars... you can check his out here, except his is a beautiful cream color. it sounds quite wonderful!
singing for both churches was a struggle today because i am sick (again)... thank goodness i have people like derrick to back me up. and when i don't sing as mch, i get to play more guitar! worship tonite was great... practice was pretty crappy, and then once we did it for real, God was there. long ago, jeremiah and i decided that the nites when we are the most tired or sick or stressed or anything negative, those are the nites that God works the best. so apparently we should not sleep on saturday nites or something...? speaking of jeremiah and i, as of two weeks ago, we have been working together for two years. crazy!
these are some songs i have been listening to a lot lately... so you should too!
american football - honestly?
wyclef jean - sweetest girl
blesk - fever
thrice - come all you weary

wednesday?

2008-04-02T21:02:00.000-07:00

i got grass stains on my pants today. do you know how long it's been since i got grass stains on my pants? yeah, a long time. that's pretty righteous. it was a good nite at youth group, but the kids were pretty rowdy and talkative; fine for playing games, lame for when someone on staff is talking!
i talked to ms. rachel mundy tonite and she was hanging out with a friend who had just got back from hawaii. turns out that friend shared an office in hawaii with mr. andrew rap... random! so that was cool. i am planning on heading to hanford in two weekends to spend time with mr. ronnie slimp; yay!
i had a friend who drank too much one nite. he doesn't normally drink, and when he does he does not normally drink much. however, on this nite, he had too much. he told some people, and he got judged. people talked some crap, and that is stupid. why is it that some slip-ups are considered worse than others? they're not. so shut your lame judgmental mouths, those of you who think you are better than others.
justin mcroberts writes great songs. check it:

If I sit down with the wrong man
And don't cast my vote Republican
What will my brothers think of me?
Am I prayin' in the wrong way?
Do I worship on the wrong day?
What are we fighting for?
So I, I'll meet you at the cross
If that's the only place we meet
It's fine by me
If my thoughts on predestination
Seem to you a bit outrageous
May I still worship at your side?
Is what I'm wearing on my body
Causing you to look right past me?
What are we looking for?
So I, I'll meet you at the cross
If that's the only place we meet
It's fine by me
Sweating, bleeding on His knees
Waiting there in place of me
His prayer was "Father's may they be warned"
So I will meet you at the cross
If that's the only place we meet
It's fine by me

so yeah, good stuff. his songs "portland" and "beautiful once" are some of my favorites. another long thursday tomorrow! work, practice, and worship... then opening on friday. ugh. have a delightful mid-week.

a quick notice!

2008-04-01T23:06:00.001-07:00

Walgreen's has free printer cartridge refills on Wednesday, April 2nd.
http://www.walgreens.com/dmi/inkrefill/default.html?ban=flh_free_printer_cartridge_refills
That is cheaper than the $50 or so it would cost me to replace my black and color cartridges! Do it up right; just make sure they can refill your model via the link on their page.

it's a tuesday.

2008-04-01T17:24:00.000-07:00

I think I am going to get a haircut when I leave work.
And I think I got screwed over for an assistant manager position twice now. Thank YOU FedEx Kinko's! mmm corporations are delicious...
I am tired, and feel like today is a good day for a nap.
My random mix of Blockbuster 4/$20 movies obtained yesterday evening; Evan Almighty, Saw III, Pan's Labyrinth, and It's A Wonderful Life. My tastes run to the eclectic.
Have a happy Tuesday.
p.s. Hebrews 12:27-29 is awesome.

in the beginning...

2008-03-31T21:42:00.000-07:00

Today Jeremy and I both signed up for May 18th's Bay to Breakers run in San Francisco. Tomorrow the price goes up, but I encourage any and all of you to join us! It should be an interesting/good time again. It's also hiking season again, which I am thrilled about! I am planning on Hetch Hetchy, Cloud's Rest, and Half Dome this year, and maybe some other jazz as well. I would like another coastal jaunt; anyone else interested?
Mr. Andrew Rap will be moving back to this vicinity fairly soon, and I am looking forward to that. Besides the Sunday nite ventures, we discussed the possibility of starting a band together... Which would be awesome, because I miss the heck out of being in a band! Playing music in front of people (solely for entertainment) is quite a rush. Now to figure out who else should join us...
My mom flew back to Idaho yesterday afternoon. I had a great time hanging out with her, and it was awesome to see my sister and brother-in-law for a bit too. Plus my mom is a better cook than your mom; it's true. Though today I made a sourdough/chicken/hot dijon/sweet-hot mustard/pepper jack toasted sandwich... It tasted rather divine, I am not going to lie. It sure is nice to have a toaster oven! And a blackboard in the kitchen... Turns out that is way cooler than I ever could have anticipated.
I highly recommend getting involved in serving the homeless in whatever community/town/city/area you are in, whether that be feeding them, clothing them, praying for them, or just hanging out with them. Being involved in that scene has led to so many relationships and stories that I never would have had otherwise... And despite the Turlock City Council being 3/5 a**hole, it has been a great experience. I do not get truly passionate about many things, but the homeless issue in Turlock and the surrounding area has become one of the things I get fired up about. It's about time people stepped up and did the right thing, regardless of religious, political, or social boundaries. It transcends any sort of superficial or worldly associations and obligations, and should really be looked at as a matter of being human; a problem of the heart. Do unto others. It's really the easiest choice to make.